Mid-year check in

Just a quick blog to bring things up to date.

This year has been quite difficult for me. I know I am probably one of the most irregular bloggers that exists, but other things have contributed to making writing even more difficult. As for most people, I would imagine, my main problem has been the pandemic. After barely managing 2020 financially, I took on what in retrospect I can see to be far too much work. So for the last six months I have been working six sometimes seven days a week. At the end of December my father was diagnosed with cancer and after the initial shock things didn’t seem to be so bad. Despite this initial hopeful outlook, my father died one thousand miles away from me in February of this year, I am very grateful that he was surrounded, and well looked after, by his loving family. Due to my high workload there were quite a few weeks when I was unable to go cycling, which is one of my main mental health treatments. I find the repetitive circular motion of the pedals and the wheels, coupled with alternating elation and mental suffering, helps to show that all is transitory. The lack of exercise has also led to me putting on even more weight, which is now slowly coming off again (as it has started to negatively affect my health not because I want to look like Brad Pitt!). Things that happen are exactly that – things that happen. I have tried to avoid thinking of them as good or bad, and especially that somehow I could be responsible for the things that happen. By this I don’t mean that if I don’t exercise and I become ill that’s not my fault, but not everything that happens to us happens because we are bad or we have done something wrong. 

Woman in blue in the snow

As far as photography is concerned I have done very little work of my own. In February we did a photo shoot with a blue dress and we were surprised by the snow. I was terrified that the dress would end up waterlogged and filthy but in the end it turned out really well. I have been involved in a zine which has been one of the highlights of the year so far. I have four projects (at least) to keep me busy during the long hot summer. I often suffer from I desire to start a project as soon as I think of it and then typically I want to get it finished as soon as possible because I’ve got bored, these are things I’m learning to deal with and being unable to begin anything personal for the first half of the year has been very good practice. I will also make an effort to update this blog more frequently and also complete the ‘now you’ve got your camera’ section.

As I am writing this there is a thunderstorm which is set to clear the ridiculously (and unseasonably) hot weather that we have literally suffered for the last week. I hope that the last months have been like a thunderstorm for me and that now things will clear, life will be more comfortable (not too comfortable I hope), and I will be able to see more clearly.

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